Because I cant breastfeed I'm a BAD mom?

Sya seen here barely a month old....

I admit in the begining I thought that because I cant breastfeed I had a defect. I thought I could cure it second time around with Sya, but unfortunately no.

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They always say breast milk is best which bothers me. Its plastered in big huge letters on babymags, at the maternity clinic and everything and anything that has to do with mothering. When I cant breastfeed, I felt that I was a failure and that I couldn't provide for Liya. It bothered me a lot, especially everytime she gets sick, I'm blamed for not giving her breastmilk.

I thought that ok, when Sya comes along, I'm be fully prepared - second chance la katakan. Bought the whole lot : nursing boppy pillow (DH calls bantal U Mobile), breast pumps etc I didn't even buy more than 2 bottles sebab confident sangat, kali ni I wont go wrong.

ERK! wrong. Nature just didn't work for me AGAIN. I would cry and get really depressed, but it wasn't going to change anything.

It was worst because everyone kept asking "susu badan ke?". It was like being able to breastfeed means you get to wear the "perfect mom sash" with the Tiara - u know like the ratu-ratu wear.

I remember how I wanted to hit myself in the face when the doktor kerajaan made a harsh remark on me not being able to do so. No wonder some moms go meroyan.

Then when you read all the baby books, baby mag and baby website - all pro breastfeeding, they always say its an excuse NOT to breastfeed. Lagilah rasa putus harapan. Not to forget relatives giving tips, apa boleh buat, senyum sumbing dan angguk.

And the looks you get. They dont understand that you have exhaust all options. I have very short nipples (ok this is a parenting blog and that wasnt suppose to sound euw) The second time I tried it, the stupid nurse at the nursery pinch my nipples so hard I wanted to die. It was so traumatic, I dreaded going to the NICU. My parents bought nipple extensions but noooo....short nipples + very very little milk = hungry baby = exhausted dont want anything else but milk NOW.

But I did express a little bit of milk and fed Sya using a small spoon. It wasnt much. I do envy moms who have it mencurah-curah. I even cried and said sorry.

So I told myself, why dwell on what your body will or will not do. Breastfeeding should be a choice not something that determines whether you're a good mom or not.

I know that when I formula feed my daugthers, I snuggle and kiss them and I know thats bonding.

Like one website says, I quote
"And for the moms who try and can’t, guilt is not going to make the situation any easier to handle. The failure to breast-feed successfully can cause guilt on its own for these women. They do not need the added pressure of turning on the TV and being told that they are, in effect, killing their babies. For some women, breast-feeding is a very personal issue. The reasons that they choose to or not to breast-feed can be very diverse, not to mention personal. These women should not be made to feel guilty about their decision. The government should provide education to women, and then support them in whatever decision they make for their family." Breastfeeding VS Formula-feeding: Is Guilt the Answer?


I could not agree more!